Something to Live For
by Ashlyn Rose
Summary: Raven can't seem to move past the events of her birthday. In her most desperate hour someone let's Raven in on a secret... She has something to live for. Okay, first summary... not that great the summary, that is... R&R please!


Disclaimer: I am not the owner of the Teen Titans. They belong to much more creative people than myself.

A/N: So this is my first attempt at writing fanfiction. Bear with me while I say how great Saturday's episode was! I couldn't help but write this out. Warning, it is a Robin/Raven, so if you don't like it, don't read it. This takes place right after "Birthmark." And don't forget to review… constructive criticism only please! I hope you enjoy the story!

**Something to Live For**

_1, 2, 3… Azarath… 4, 5, 6… Metrion… 7, 8, 9… Zinthos… Turn…_

Raven was pacing. It was a habit she normally found annoying and ineffective, but tonight it was the only thing that would bring her focus. She could pace with her eyes open.

Upon returning from her impromptu birthday party, Raven came to the realization that she was not, nor would she ever be again, the same person. Now she was a creature of destiny whose fate lay out before her as if she were a character in one of her beloved books. Her control and focus were shot, too many things had happened in such a short space of time, and Raven had not been able to keep up.

Sleep was what she knew she needed, but when she had laid her head on her pillow and closed her eyes, sleep became the farthest thing from her mind. Images of her city in flames, red-eyed crows, her teammates in stone, Robin in stone… they all flashed freshly across her memory as if they had all been etched forever into the back of her eyelids.

When sleep proved unsuccessful, Raven attempted to meditate. She quietly chanted her centering phrase and crossed her legs, hovering in the air. Yet before she could even mutter her first _Zinthos_, she heard the voice. The low, haunting voice that belonged to the person she hated most in the world… her father. _It is your destiny, _he taunted. _You cannot escape your destiny._ Concentration forgotten, Raven had fallen to the ground, landing hard.

So now she paced, only allowing herself to blink when necessary. She was attempting to regain the control, the stability, it had taken her years of dedication to create. She knew that only when she could retrieve her lost focus would she be able to start making sense of the events of her birthday, and then she could start to make sure that she had the power to override fate and rewrite her destiny.

_1, 2, 3… Azarath… 4, 5, 6,… Metrion…7, 8… _"No!"

Raven's scream was followed by the crash of glass as she slammed her palms into the mirror opposite her. She had chanced a glance at her reflection as she paced and what she'd found there had been the scariest image of the night. Herself, four red slits where violet eyes should have been, and an evil, twisted grin on her face. The ancient symbols that had since receded from her palms burned red hot, as if they had never diminished. In a frantic attempt to make the vision and the symbols disappear, Raven had done the instinctual thing and attacked.

Adrenaline pumped through her veins, deterring the pain, but not easing it. She gingerly pulled her hands away from the shattered mirror biting her lip to keep from screaming again. A soft knock on the door drew Raven's attention from her fresh wounds. She knew who was on the other side of that door. He was the only one who knew exactly how bad her situation was and he was the only one who would understand.

Yet as she punched in the code for her door to unlock, Raven knew she would turn him away. This was not his problem, nor should it be. Her future was much bigger than Robin, even if he was the leader of her team, and she was determined to spare him the pain of knowing the entire truth.

Ignoring the crimson drops that now adorned the console, Raven unlocked her door and it slid open. There he was, uniform forgotten for a t-shirt and flannel bottoms, but mask still secure over his eyes. "You screamed." It was a statement. Robin, like Raven, was to the point. He wanted to know what was wrong and Raven knew it. "And I heard a crash." His attention turned to Raven's mangled palms and he looked concernedly back at his friend. "What happened?" He took her palms in his own, examining the pieces of glass still lodged into Raven's skin.

Raven looked too, realizing that her wounds were much worse than she initially assessed. "Nothing." She jerked her hands out of his own and hid them behind her back. "I got scared."

Robin's eyebrow arched in suspicion. "What scared you?"

"It was just… it was nothing." Raven cursed herself for not being a good liar. He knew exactly why she was scared, and she could do nothing to change his mind.

"Right," he said, and with lighting fast reflexes he took her hands back into his own. "I think we should probably go clean these up."

"I can handle it," Raven said, trying, and this time failing, to take her own hands back. He had a strong grip on them. "I'm a healer remember?"

"Yeah, I know. But you can't heal the wounds until the glass is out. Come on."

Robin led Raven to the other side of the tower where the infirmary awaited them, cold and dark. Both teenagers were temporarily blinded when Robin turned on the lights, but when their eyes adjusted Robin led Raven to one of the beds. He set to work, carefully removing each shard. Raven chose to look away as he worked, partially because she did not want to witness the glass being removed from her flesh and partially because she did not want to look at Robin for fear he might start a conversation.

After fifteen minutes, Robin announced that he was finished and Raven set to work healing the wounds. Normally it would have been a simple task for Raven, but her lack of both sleep and control were making it hard to close the wounds. Robin noticed her struggle, and when she swayed with exhaustion, he steadied her. "Maybe I should finish," he suggested. Raven turned her defeated eyes up to meet his own and nodded her agreement.

Once again Robin set to work on Raven's injuries, stitching the wounds that Raven had not been able to close and applying the necessary antibiotic creams. He wrapped her hands in gauze and secured the padding with bandages. Raven had to admit Robin was an excellent substitute for her own healing abilities.

"There," Robin said, clipping the end of the final bandage. "They should be back to normal in no time." He set about cleaning up after himself, and when he was finished he sat next to Raven on the bed.

For what seemed an eternity to Raven there was silence between the two friends. Robin's close proximity was unsettling to Raven as she heard two voices in her head- one telling her to run away and the other telling her to move closer. She knew what he wanted to say, and she knew the reason he didn't ask his question was because he knew that she knew what the question was. Finally, Robin's patience wore down and he voiced his query. "What did you see in the mirror?"

Raven bit her lip and closed her eyes, not wanting to look at her leader. Her unwillingness to answer only made the teenage detective more persistent. "Raven, I meant what I said yesterday. I don't want you to be alone with whatever it is you're going through. You said yourself that I know you better than anyone, and I want to help you. Please, tell me what's going on."

"I can't," Raven paused. "But since you are my leader, I think I should let you know that I plan on leaving the Titans. You should probably start looking for a replacement." Her voice was dead, not the emotionless one Robin was used to hearing, but one of lost hope.

"Your leader?" His tone was unbelieving. "Raven, I'm a friend first and foremost. You're telling me you're leaving without so much as an explanation? Why can't…"

"My explanation is that it is what is best for everyone." Raven cut Robin off and stood up abruptly. She chanced a last glance at Robin before fleeing the infirmary, running as fast as her tired legs would carry her. She heard him behind her, but did not look back.

Her natural instincts had led Raven back to her room, but she stopped in the doorway. She was brought face to face with the remnants of a broken mirror and the memories of the torture she'd experienced within this chamber. She took a step back and made contact with warm flesh. He was behind her, and he took her by the shoulders and gently turned her around. "I can't let you leave Raven. However bad everything may seem now, it will only get worse if you leave your friends… if you leave me."

The last part of Robin's statement was so quiet, that Raven was not sure if he'd actually said it. Though she could not see his eyes, the connection that Robin had spoke of earlier allowed Raven to feel his desperation. That feeling, combined with her own need to lay down the burden that sat on her shoulders, finally broke Raven's resolve.

"Okay Robin, I'll tell you what you want to know." She glanced back into the darkness of her room and let out a rattled sigh. "But not here," she blushed, embarrassed by her fear. "I can't go back in there yet."

Relieved that he had finally managed to get through to Raven, Robin silently took her by the hand and led her down the hall. She followed obediently, focusing on her hand in his and the warm, safe feeling she had because of the contact. She was not surprised when he stopped at his room, quickly punching in the code and leading her into his pristine quarters.

He turned around, his masked eyes not able to hide the concern and the anticipation for what he was about to hear. Raven faltered under the look and in an attempt to stall she moved to his bed where she sat cross-legged. Robin followed her, pulling up his desk chair so that he was face to face with her. "What haven't you told me?"

Raven inhaled sharply, steeling herself for what she was about to say. "Robin, I don't want to tell you anything you are not absolutely prepared to hear. What I have to say contains no ray of hope, no chance for change. It is a burden that is mine and no matter how much you might want to help me carry the weight, I am afraid it is not possible."

"But Raven…" Raven brought her hand up to Robin's mouth, quieting the boy wonder. She blushed at the contact, and quickly removed her fingers from his lips.

"I told you that something awful was supposed to happen on my birthday. I know now that my birthday was only supposed to be the beginning. Slade… is not the Slade that haunted you. Terra killed him. The Slade that we saw yesterday was given his life back on one condition, that he serve my father, Trigon. I derive my powers from the presence of my father within me, and I am destined to be the vessel through which he comes to Earth and destroys it. It is my destiny to destroy the world," she paused and looked meaningfully at Robin. He could see tears forming in her eyes. "It is my destiny to destroy the Titans… to destroy you. That is what Slade set out to do yesterday. On my father's orders he came to remind me of the future I cannot escape and initiated a series of events that will, in the end, lead to destruction." Finished, Raven chanced a glance at the boy across from her and couldn't help but smirk at the expression of amazement on his face. "I told you it wasn't pretty. Are you happy now, knowing that the girl you claim to know better than any other is going to be the end of you and your team?"

Raven grew uncomfortable in his continued silence. Unsure of what he was thinking and not able to stand the possibility that he might now _want_ her to leave the Titans, Raven got off the bed, ready to leave. She passed by his chair, and winced as he grabbed one of her freshly bandaged hands. "Don't go," he pleaded. He stood up and she turned around to face him, her eyes focused on his feet rather than his face.

"Now you have my reasons for leaving," she said quietly, dejectedly. "I trust you'll let me go in peace now."

"No, I won't." There was determination in his voice, and Raven was surprised to hear it. More surprising was his hand on her chin, slowly guiding it upward so that her violet orbs met his masked ones. "You can't leave Raven. I think you're desperate to make your future not happen, and if you leave I'm afraid you might try something stupid…" His voice broke, but Raven finished his thought for him.

"You're afraid I'll try to kill myself."

"I'm afraid you'll sacrifice yourself in order to save the world."

"What is one life, particularly mine, in relation to the security of the billions of people on this planet?"

"Right now, it's more important to me than anything ever has been."

Raven, scared of the commitment she heard in his voice, decided to ignore the jolt of her heart and the blush on her face as a result of Robin's last comment. His hand was still on her face, and she was growing restless. "Do you have a better idea?"

"Raven, nothing is written in stone. I can't believe that you are a pawn of fate. We can help you change things. We'll do everything in our power to…"

"Your power, the team's power… they are insignificant to Trigon."

"But you can do it."

"No, I can't." Raven pulled away from him, feeling that she had made a mistake in telling Robin. "I am just as powerless."

Raven let out a small yelp as she was pulled close to her leader's body, his arms encircling her. "I don't know much about your father, but I bet he doesn't have this," he tightened his hold on her and whispered the rest of his sentence in her ear. "Strength does not always come from within. I like to think that when someone is fighting for what they believe in they fight for more than themselves. They fight for their friends, their family… the ones they love. Let us… let me be your strength… your will to live. Please Raven, stay here with me. Let me be here for you."

Throughout Robin's monologue, Raven, in shock, had left her arms dangling by her sides. Now in the silence, as his words sunk in, Raven realized that he was right. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into his neck. Here was the rock she needed to rebuild on. Here, in Robin's arms, was the point of a different future. In fact, the more Raven thought about it, the more she saw the real possibility of fighting off destiny. She had already defied the odds by becoming part of a family, by allowing herself to love. She wasn't alone, as she was supposed to be. "Alright Robin," she finally whispered. "I'll stay here with you, with the team." She felt his muscles relax, but he did not release her. Raven was not quite finished however. She needed to be realistic, and so did he. "But you have to promise me something." She pulled away slightly so she could see his face. He looked down at her, a content smile on his face. "If it comes to it, if what we want to happen doesn't, if I fall victim to my fate… you won't hesitate to kill me."

She was sad to see his smile disappear, but she had to say it. Her wishes had to be known. "Raven, I can't promise something like that." Yet in her eyes Robin saw a fierce determination, and he knew he would not be able to fight her. He sighed, his breath moving the loose strands of her purple hair. "I promise."

She closed her eyes, and a contented smile graced her lips. "Thank you, Robin." She rested her head on his shoulder and outside his window she could see the pink warnings of sunrise. She felt his lips kiss the top of her head and memories of a ravaged, despairing world were temporarily forgotten as she lived in this moment. Though she knew not what faced her outside of this embrace, at that moment she did know that she had something to fight for. She wanted many more chances to wrap her arms around Robin's strong neck. She wanted to be able to kiss him and hold him and not worry about turning into the demon that haunted her. And she would do anything she could to make sure her future was with him, not with Trigon. "Thank you so much."

Well? _Points to the review button._ Thanks!


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